The Trouble With Friendship

“Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” 
― Oprah Winfrey

During the summer months most social media platforms are cascaded with what the new age has dubbed “Squad Goals”, these tend to be photos of what seems to be groups of girls who appear to be the best of friends often dressed alike or in coincidental poses of spontaneous laughter.

Each time I come across one of these posts I perpetually question it’s legitimacy, because we all know Instagram is well known for projecting a lavish lifestyle on a paupers tale. But it also forces me to look at myself and think “if they can do it, bitch why can’t you keep a friend?”

This was a problem that has stuck to me like a plague all of my life. For years I have been a prominent member of a lot of girl cliques that have gone bad and have always ended with an epic standoff that breaks the bestie clad contract.

Before anyone gets slick and wants the point the finger at me I have one disclaimer that will put all of that to rest, I have a vast amount of friends that have known me for a very long time and we have never had a single quarrel, but they are all of the guys.

*Queues all the sausage fest jokes* No! they are like brothers to me and we literally have platonic friendships that never have and never will have any extra added agreements, but keeping a compadre of the same gender just seems to be a goal I struggle to reach.

I deem myself to be a quite an inclusive person, and growing up I always just wanted friends around me, maybe it was from the books I was reading or an overdose of Spice Girls albums but I always envisioned having a large group of girlfriends that support each other you know girl power!!! So when I was unable to achieve this it was a massive disappointment to me every time and I found some of the reasosns why there have been is oamny breakups is because;

  • I am too outspoken
  • We are at different stages in life
  • Backstabbing, backstabbing, backstabbing
  • Lack of support
  • I’m “jealous” of them
  • The guy she is besotted with (and I never wanted) told me he likes me instead
  • I am too harsh
  • Betrayal

In my younger years I internally beat myself up over some of these reasons and began to lose trust in ever being able to fit in with a group of girls or really have a female friend that would generally want the best without the cattiness.

Growing up, gaining new life experiences and even embarking on my own business venture has given me brand new perspectives on the kinds of people I have in my life changed all of this for me and I stopped feeling guilty and also didn’t feel like the vehement bitch that I can often be portrayed to be when I decide a specific individual is not a good fit for my aura.

I think the reality of the situation is that you are the CEO of your own life and just like a business, relationships that can be detrimental to what the ethos is; and those that are have to be broken so that the company can flourish. What I learnt from these social media posts is all is not what it seems, behind alot of these #BestFriendGoals pictures are a bunch lost women who at times may feel as displaced both you and I or just genrally don’t even like eachother

So now I create my own standards and stick by them without being apologetic, I know exactly what I need in my inner circle in order to stay just as positive, motivated, real and as ratchet as I love to be. You get first dibs on deciding who gets to be in your space and who doesn’t make the cut, and if said collective happens to be small or has a specific gender roll with it. Just because your Instagram feed doesn’t look as aesthetically pleasing in the buddy department doesn’t mean you are not likeable or unable to hold down a clique.

Remember that there aren’t enough seats at the table for everyone to sit with you.

 

 

 

 

 

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