If there is anything that I have learned from the last few months, is that life will throw millions of curve balls at you and you can either make every attempt to try and catch them all or get pelted like a bad comedy act.
I have always been told and have at times taken a good look in the mirror and repeated “damn girl you are strong”, but some things that happen in your life will really hit you in ways that can make drastic changes to the way you think and feel about yourself and what you’re even doing with your life.
I was always confident that I had a strong hold on my future, and after losing my Grandfather who was very dear to me and my family at the end of 2017 I was uberly optimistic about 2018 commencing. I did all the work, I was positive and what I had planned for the year was to be nothing shy of greatness. 30 days into the first month I was struck with another bout of devastation when my 4-year relationship came to an abrupt and shocking end leaving me stunned, confused and pessimistic about all the things I had put in place to happen for me.
I felt as if the reality that had been created for me was a terrible joke all at my expense. These 2 life-changing events left me in a dark place that I had always heard of but was sure that someone of my demeanor was unable to reach. I mean I could achieve anything I wanted, I truly exuded the definition of hard work so how could my whole world be falling down right in front of my eyes. If you are an avid follower of my blog I rarely admire my physical appearance but it is something that I live with and overall I am happy with myself. But after everything that had happened, I struggled to look at myself in the mirror often internally thinking horrible thoughts about the person I had painstakingly taken 28 years to love. I would get dressed up to the nines for an event and still pull myself to pieces. I hated myself, I felt so low that I stopped taking my friends calls because explaining all of the negative events that had happened felt like reliving it all over again and plus how does one feel their best when discussing their failures.
Whilst sitting in my cave at home in deep hiding I began to think about all the things that my elders had taught me, my mum always gave me the notion that if I work hard I will be able to reap all the benefits later on in life. No shade momma, I love ya but that was the biggest misconception of all time. We do not control this life, we own it but we have no clue on what adventures it will take us on.
Someone once told me that when people make plans God laughs, and remembering this quote is what pulled me out of my bubble of despair because we cannot see where we are going so how can we expect for our future to be executed exactly the way we dream it. Now, young budding representatives of the future do not look at this and think that I am telling you to throw all your vision boards and goals in the trash and dance like the wind. But do better than I did and accept that although we may have control over our destiny we do not have authority over what route it takes us on to get there. That course can be smooth sailing like a beautiful cruise to the Caribbean or it can be rough and choppy like a Robinson Crusoe inspired trek, but that journey is a vital part of your story.
Through all this pain and angst, I am now letting my toughest experiences be my best lessons and take my finger off the control freak button. Go with the flow a lil and not let anything knock me off my hustle, what doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger.
So do not get all stuck up in planning your whole lives to a tee, life is full of exciting twists and turns and when we focus on being control freaks we fail to see the lessons that our plunders and faux pas are created to teach us.
Remember, falling on your face is not the issue. it is how long it takes you to get back up.
With love, tears and big bottle of rum