From the tender age of about 5 or 6, I remember being told “crying is for babies”, as I evolved in age it changed to “crying is a weakness”. As much as my weekly counselling sessions vehemently refute the latter statement I agree with it to a certain degree, crying is a valid emotion that should be as freely released as anger, happiness or sadness. But there is one instance in which I will never share this emotion and that is in front of an uncaring man.
Now, I know some of my fellow sisters might strongly disagree with me and retort “so you won’t ever cry in front of your boyfriend or husband” and the answer is yes, I sure will. And the reason for this is because I would hope that the above mentioned would not be anyone who wished any less than the best for me. My use for the term ‘uncaring man’ defines a dude who has wronged you and fails to demonstrate any type of remorse towards the pain he has or may have caused you by his actions. Why such a militant response to another’s actions you ask?
Both men and women are emotional beings, but I believe regardless of whether women show it our actions are more likely to be fuelled by the emotion we are experiencing within that moment. I am a hibernator of mine, so they are usually stored inside laying dormant until they are unleashed by a situation or a person that has either made me deeply sad or triggered the inferno sized blaze within me. Crying is probably one of the most vulnerable points for any individual, so it makes me infuriated to the highest degree when I see a woman reveal some of the most sacred parts of herself to a man who clearly sees this not as a bearing of her soul but an annoyance or waste of his time.
In the last few years, studies have eluded to the therapeutic elements of crying. (Psychology Today 2010) discusses the health benefits of tears in regards to our emotional state, It mentions emotional tears containing stress hormones and toxins that are released when we cry and also stimulate the release of endorphins which are natural painkillers.
I always advise any woman I consider dear to me not to cry in front of men for many reasons;
- Men hate and are afraid of a woman’s tears
- They cannot always comprehend the emotion behind the action
- It makes them uncomfortable
- They will say anything (lie) to make it stop
- They see them as a weapon against them
Now I see crying as a therapeutic activity, not only do I psychologically feel freed after a Kim Kardashian style ugly crying face sob but those tight knots I always noticed but failed to see loosen as if an instant calm rushes over my body like the ending of a storm. This feeling of euphoria is only disturbed when the emotions you are sharing are not reciprocated or at least empathised. We have the right to be vulnerable in public as it is a method of healing for us, but that moment of clarity is stolen from us when the person we choose to share it with demonstrates that it has no place in their lives.
Our sister circles, therapists, family even co-workers can offer a stronger source of counsel than a retaliated “it’s not that deep”. Expose yourself to the people that will offer you support within moments where you require love and attention, not criticise or ridicule some of your most painful and sacred expressions. By no means am I encouraging us females to be fearful of showing emotions as it is healthy to release them because a man who truly cares for your wellbeing will nurture and protect all sides of you, but I urge my girls to be wary of terrified boys masked as men because they care not for your tears.